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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 7:26 am
Posts: 18063
Location: My Mind's Gone
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A plane is on its way to Cape Town when a blonde in Economy Class gets Up and moves to the First Class and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket, She then tells the blonde passenger that she's paid for Economy and that She will have to go and sit in the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Cape Town ....
And I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because She only paid for economy she is only entitled to an economy seat and she Will have to leave and return to her original seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Cape Town ....
And I'm staying right here!"

Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says

"Oh, I'm sorry- I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said To make her move without any fuss.

The Pilot replied..... "I told her First Class isn't going to Cape Town"

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Wed Sep 23, 2009 8:48 pm
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Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 12:07 pm
Posts: 8478
Location: Back in the Home of the Mighty Spartans
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A football match last night between India and Pakistan was abandoned after 58 minutes when the referee showed a player a red card.

68000 stormed the pitch thinking it was a British Passport.


Thu Sep 24, 2009 3:57 pm
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Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 7:09 pm
Posts: 1967
Location: Stockport
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Elton John is divorcing his partner, apparently he has been having sex behind his back


Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:50 pm
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Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 12:07 pm
Posts: 8478
Location: Back in the Home of the Mighty Spartans
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I'll put steel helmet on before pposting these.


What's long, hard and fuccks women?

An IQ test.


What paralyses a woman from the waist down?

Marriage.


How do you stop a woman from sucking your dick?

Marry the bitch.


And finally, why hasn't a woman walked on the moon?

Because it's never needed cleaning.


Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:57 pm
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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 7:26 am
Posts: 18063
Location: My Mind's Gone
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How to get to Heaven from Ireland.

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if
they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale
and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept
everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'No!' By now I was starting to smile.

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, And loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, they all answered 'No!'. I was just bursting with pride for
them.

I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven?'

A six year-old boy shouted out " YUV GOTTA BE FOOKIN' DEAD........

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Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:46 pm
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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:23 am
Posts: 9704
Location: Stockport, the centre of the universe
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Trevor Phillips has been criticised for earning a massive £120,000 as the head of Britain's equality quango that aims to promote equal rights.

Couldn't they save about £90k by giving the job to a woman?

Mick

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Thu Sep 24, 2009 9:09 pm
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Joined: Sat Jun 03, 2006 4:02 pm
Posts: 1814
Location: Motor City
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

So I replied, "Your eyesight is damn near perfect!"

That's when the fight started......


Fri Sep 25, 2009 6:25 am
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Joined: Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:45 pm
Posts: 127
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You have to fel sorry for Jack Tweedy for being sent back to prison so soon after losing Jade.On the positive side at least he'll be having sex with skinheads again...


Tue Sep 29, 2009 2:22 am
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Joined: Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:45 pm
Posts: 127
Post 
2 rangers fans in a vauxhall zafira have driven of a cliff in Wales,officers at the scene said "Its an appalling tragedy, as this cars capable of seating 7!!"


Tue Sep 29, 2009 2:55 am
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2005 6:48 pm
Posts: 8013
Location: Scotland
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sticky fingers wrote:
2 rangers fans in a vauxhall zafira have driven of a cliff in Wales,officers at the scene said "Its an appalling tragedy, as this cars capable of seating 7!!"


good one pingman......get a life

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Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:43 am
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Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 12:07 pm
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Location: Back in the Home of the Mighty Spartans
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Alcohol free Lager................










It's like licking your sister's fanny, it tastes the same but you know it's just not right.


Tue Sep 29, 2009 11:22 am
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Joined: Mon May 11, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 3612
Location: SE London
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The story is allegedly true. The scene is a Glasgow court and a witness (a ned) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD)

AD
'You say you went to your friends house that night. Why did you go there?'

WITNESS
'Tae get a tap.'

AD
'Is your friend a plumber?'

WITNESS
'Naw.'

AD
'Are you a plumber?'

WITNESS
'Naw.'

The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises it, but notices that the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money.

Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly.

AD
'So you went to the house to borrow money?'

WITNESS
'Naw.'

AD
'Ah. You went to the house to lend money?'

WITNESS
'Naw.'

In exasperation the AD says, 'You told the court you went to your friend's house for a tap. What kind of a tap was it?'

WITNESS
......'A Sellick tap.


Tue Sep 29, 2009 3:14 pm
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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 8:08 am
Posts: 11160
Location: my tree
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WARNING to all, the government has finally revealed the effects of swine flu


Image

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Thu Oct 15, 2009 11:30 pm
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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:23 am
Posts: 9704
Location: Stockport, the centre of the universe
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Hey RTM, I bet you'd still pork her. :shock:

Mick

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Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:47 am
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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 8:08 am
Posts: 11160
Location: my tree
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Mick_McKenzie wrote:
Hey RTM, I bet you'd still pork her. :shock:

Mick

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Sun Oct 18, 2009 9:53 pm
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